Five Transformative Insights from my Eating Disorder Recovery
Recovery is HARD. There is no easy way to put it - it will challenge you to the core, more than anything else. Eating disorders is an awful illness and it has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Many people do not come forward for diagnosis or treatment due to shame, guilt, denial or confusion as to what their symptoms are. Recovery is difficult but not impossible. The earlier you seek treatment, the more likely you will be successful at recovery. However, I want to give people hope that recovery at any stage is possible with the right help and support. I lived with bulimia for 10 years before my recovery journey truly began. Statistics would say my chances were slim but I bet the odds and came through to the other side.
In this blog, I would like to share some of my key learnings from my recovery journey as I reflect on it today.
Get the right help and keep looking until you find the right fit. Although there are many professionals who have the knowledge and expertise to help you, you need to find someone who you can relate to, be completely open and honest with, and trust wholeheartedly with your recovery. Otherwise, it can be difficult to get down to the root cause of certain issues and be honest with them about just how much you are struggling or how strong the grip of the eating disorder has on your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Full freedom is much easier to achieve when we have an open and honest dialogue with ourselves and with the people who we decide to seek help with.
Be honest with yourself and others who you trust. Denial or avoidance is common and even normal in the stages of change, as most people go through a stage of denial in their journey. Avoidance of uncomfortable emotions is a natural human response so it makes sense that we would want to avoid difficult conversations, challenging our thought life and changing our behaviours. That is why my first point of finding someone you can completely trust and be honest with is so critical, because they can support you through these difficult and uncomfortable emotions. I am also a strong believer in using your community or village to get you through recovery because at the end of the day, these are the people who you will do life with when the coaching journey has come to an end.
Be willing to challenge your ideas and beliefs. Be willing to explore what your beliefs around body image are, and what you base your worth on. Where did these come from and will these lead you to the life you want to live, or the life that the eating disorder wants you to live? It can be very difficult to separate your true values from the eating disorder or society’s values and beliefs. It takes time and a lot of practice, which is something that a Coach or therapist can help with.
It’s okay to not be okay. A common characteristic of people with an eating disorder is perfectionism, but everything does not have to be all-or-nothing. There is a middle ground that you can live in, which takes away so much of the pressure and stress. One thing I like to ask myself is, “Is this going to matter in 5 years time?”, or “what do I want to remember about this moment when I look back in a years time?”. This helps me to put things in perspective and brings a lot more freedom and joy into everyday moments in my life.
You are worth so much more than your body shape and size. Discover your true identity - what do you like about your character, what makes you a good friend, daughter, mother? You bring so much more to the table than you realise. If people have spoken negatively over your life and your future, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and therefore, something you think is part of your identity. But I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way, that you can break the words that have been spoken over you and you can chose to renew your mind and what you believe about yourself.
I could go on forever about what I have learnt in my recovery journey, because the learning never really stops. I’m still learning today in my sessions with clients. I love coaching because it is very personal and I never take for granted the honor of walking alongside someone in their most vulnerable, darkest and hardest time in their life as they open up and share their struggles with me. Recovery is hard but I promise you that you will not regret it once you have come through to the other side.
